


from the spirit to the bones

by withoutwords



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Bisexuality, First Time, Getting Together, Internalised Homophobia, Jealousy, M/M, Pining, Sexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:55:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29421213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withoutwords/pseuds/withoutwords
Summary: "Hey Kono,” Steve says, shuffling into Kono’s office and trying to pretend he can be subtle.  “Do you know anything about Danny seeing some ... kama’aina?”Kono squints at him over her paperwork, like he's a perp she’s trying to identify. “What about it?”“Nothing! Just, you know.” Steve flails. “Don't you think it’s weird he never told me?”“Is it weird that Danny never told his Navy SEAL boss that he's dating a man?”
Relationships: Danny "Danno" Williams/Original Male Character(s), Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 42
Kudos: 252





	from the spirit to the bones

**Author's Note:**

> This has been sitting on my computer for so long I just finally decided to finish it. Lost its appeal for me but hopefully you guys enjoy it. Thanks so much for reading x
> 
> (PS not really set in any specific linear or canon time. Just a year or two after they met?)

There’s a storm brewing that afternoon. 

Steve gives the team the rest of the day off, then stops in to HPD before heading home - an armful of pastries from Liliha’s at the ready. They were an apology to Duke for Five-0s latest theatrics (even if a boat crashing into the harbour and a ton of rubber ducks floating out to sea was never something they planned).

Steve doesn’t mind so much when he pisses off the Governor; but Duke’s good people. He probably didn’t count on spending his golden years dealing with Steve's endless need to apprehend suspects without any thought for the law.

Even if he does seem to enjoy it. Sometimes.

When Steve walks passed the break room he hears someone say, “From Five-0?” and stops, curious.

“Yeah,” another voice replies. “You know... the short one, with the temper.”

Steve grins to himself. They’re obviously talking about Danny.

“I thought Kai didn't date cops?” they go on, and Steve pauses. Dating? Danny always tells Steve about his romantic life - women he’s noticed, women he likes, women who have turned him down. It never stops. But this time Danny hadn’t said anything. “Or haoles?”

“No but he is a sucker for blue eyes and a nice smile, apparently.” There’s stifled laughing. “He said it’s going well.”

“That’s good. My cousin Tom will be sad though.”

“Tell him he’s got serious competition.”

When someone knocks into him, Steve realises he’s been standing there with piles of donuts and coffee and his mouth half open.

Danny’s dating a man.

*

Steve’s first instinct is to confront Danny, to demand to know what’s going on and why he didn’t tell his best friend that he was seeing someone - even if that someone was a man. To Steve’s credit, though, he just spends the next few days talking himself off the ledge. If he’s learned anything about Danny it’s that he can’t be forced to do anything.

Steve forced him to be his partner and sure, it worked out in the end - but not before a well timed punch and at least 134 hours of angry rants. Steve’s not going back to that phase of their friendship, not after all the progress they’ve made.

Besides, he respects Danny too much to assume Danny owes him anything.

“Hey Kono,” Steve says, shuffling into Kono’s office and trying to pretend he can be subtle. “Do you know anything about Danny seeing some ... kama’aina?”

Kono squints at him over her paperwork, like he's a perp she’s trying to identify. “What about it?”

“Nothing! Just, you know.” Steve flails. “Don't you think it’s weird he never told me?”

“Is it weird that Danny never told his Navy SEAL boss that he's dating a man?”

The fact that she says it out loud is kind of jarring. Steve jolts. “I’m not an asshole!”

“No,” Kono says slowly, and Steve tries to ignore the way it almost sounds a little condescending. “But you were trained under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Your dad was military. You have no gay friends.”

“Well, what’s that got to do with anything?”

Kono just shrugs at him, throwing a folder to one side. “I don’t know, boss. Maybe he just wasn’t sure how you’d take it. Maybe you should ask him, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Steve says resignedly. That's what he thought she’d say. “Maybe.”

*

It's not like anything’s changed. Steve still picks Danny up in the morning, his hair out of place and his mouth turned down. He still listens to Danny complain for the ten minutes it takes to get to HQ – usually about Hawaii, or Rachel, or the fact he’s got to go to work and can’t spend the day with his daughter.

It’s normal.

Except now Steve's thinking about other things too. Did Danny go on a date the night before? Did he have the guy in his house, or in his bed ... was the guy still there? And if things got serious with him – Kaikane Māhoe, Steve may have put his name in the database – would Danny tell Steve about him? Would he tell Steve everything?

It was selfish to wonder.

“John Doe,” Chin tells them when they finally get into the office, thanking Steve as he passes him a coffee. “Caucasian, 30 to 35, found out the back of Mabel’s Diner in Kailua. Thrown in with the trash.”

“Poor Mabel,” Danny deadpans, rubbing his eyes, and Steve's not thinking about why Danny's tired, or why he’s wearing the same tie, or why Steve feels so stupidly possessive all of a sudden. “Max give you C.O.D yet?

“Possible suffocation but nothing concrete. He wants to run tox screens first, and I thought we'd go out to the crime scene and take a look around. Boss?”

“Hmm? Yeah? Sorry.”

“You good, babe?” Danny asks, slapping him on the back as if he was choking. Steve laughs, mostly at himself.

“Yeah, fine. Uh, why don’t you two do that and me and Kono will follow up with Max?”

Danny pulls a face; a common one that usually means Steve's making no sense to him again, but Steve pushes on. He’s not in the right headspace to be driving around with Danny today. He’s just not.

“You sure?”

“Yeah. We'll meet you for lunch.”

*

Steve's slept with his fair share of women. It’s not something he talks about. It’s not something he uses as a weapon like a lot of guys in the Navy; cutting at others who are monogamous, or shy, or just not interested. Still, it’s something they all knew.

Smooth Dog.

He didn’t try too hard. He didn’t boast. He didn't let himself think any woman owed him, which shouldn’t be a rare trait amongst men but he knew it was. Even with Nicole, his first serious girlfriend, and even with Cath (he's not sure what they are any more) - there's never been strings.

Who knows? Maybe that's why they didn’t last.

Except with Danny, it feels like all they have is strings. Danny working his dad's case, and Steve keeping Danny on the island, and the taskforce, and this family, and every stupid thing they've done together without a second thought.

Steve’s never had a friend like Danny.

“I hate to say it, because you’re generally crazy anyway,” Danny says over a beer and a game. The volumes low for the halftime entertainment and the room is bathed in shadows - it's getting late. “But you’ve been acting really weird lately. Hannibal levels of weird and that’s not an exaggeration.”

Steve scoffs. “Comparing me to a serial killer isn’t an exaggeration? Seriously?”

“Don’t forget cannibal.”

“Fuck you,” Steve says, without heat, kicking Danny with a socked foot. Danny just laughs.

“It’s true! Chin and Kono have been saying it too. It’s like working with a zombie. What’s going on, Steve? Is it about Wo Fat?”

“No,” Steve says, probably too quickly, but he can't do that. He can’t let Danny worry about him so much. “No, nothing like that. I just... I think I’m just burnt out, man. I’m so tired.”

Danny looks at him like he isn't buying it, but doesn't push. “Alright, well, maybe when this case is done you can take some time off. Go adventure hiking or do simulated war drills or whatever it is you find relaxing.”

Steve kicks him again, but he's laughing. “We'll see.”

*

In the end, Steve doesn’t need to ask Danny, and Danny doesn’t really need to tell him.

Steve works late at Five-0, grabs a drink with Chin, and then stops at his favourite restaurant to grab some take out. He pays, and turns to take a seat, and spots Danny across the room, sitting at a table.

It’s only when he’s halfway there he realises Danny's sitting across from another man.

“Oh, hey,” Danny stammers, standing up, and Steve swears he sees his face go suddenly grey. “What are you doing here?”

“Just grabbing some food. I didn’t want to face going home to my fridge.” Steve hopes he sounds easy going when he looks over to the other person at the table – it's Kaikane, he knows – and offers his hand. “Hey, I’m Steve McGarrett.”

“Kai,” he says, standing to shake Steve's hand, tall and broad and mildly intimidating. “I’ve heard a lot about you Commander.”

“Oh?” Steve fights back the urge to say, wish I could say the same, instead flickering a smile between the two of them. “I bet it has a lot to do with me endangering his life every day.”

Kai smiles. He’s a handsome man. “Maybe something like that.”

“Uh,” Danny clears his throat, pulling at his tie. “Kai’s with HPD. He helped us out with that Anderson case a few months back, do you remember?”

Steve feels his stomach drop. This has been happening for months? “Right, yeah. That was a big one.”

“Honestly, I didn’t do much,” Kai says coyly, scratching at his head. “I think I got to take down one guy and fill out a form.”

“Oh, you got to fill out a form?” Danny says, Steve watching him give Kai a smile that almost feels private. “I didn’t know that. There's something for your CV.”

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, pal.”

“Well, I should probably go check on my food,” Steve cuts in, suddenly very, very desperate to get out of here. “I’ll let you get back to it. Nice to meet you, Kai.”

“You too, Steve.”

“Danny.” Steve looks at his partner who has all his guards up again; scared maybe, ashamed? “See you in the morning?”

Danny claps him on the back. “Yeah. See you then.”

*

Steve picks up Danny at the usual time, and Danny gets in the truck in his usual way and they chat and argue about all kinds of pointless things all the way to work. When Steve shuts off the engine though, neither of them move, and he knows he’s got to bite the bullet.

“I should tell you something,” he starts, gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles go pale.

“Okay?”

“I already knew about you and Kai.”

There's silence. It’s what Steve hated most about the night before, and what he hates most about this whole thing - Danny's been so silent. About himself, about Kai, about the fact he's had someone in his life for months who knows all about Steve and yet. Here's Steve. Out in the dark.

“Who told you?” Danny finally says, and when Steve looks over to him he seems expressionless. It’s just his shoulders that are doing the talking – upright and back and ready for a fight. It breaks Steve apart.

He sighs. “No one. I overheard some people talking when I stopped at HPD.”

“Why didn't you say anything?”

“Me? What about you? You didn’t think a relationship that’s been going on for months might be worth mentioning over breakfast one day?”

“It’s not,” Danny starts, but then decides against it. “I didn’t know what to say.”

“How about, hey Steve, I’m seeing someone, things are going well -"

“By the way it’s a man?” Danny growls.

“Yes! Why not? Did you think I’d fire you? Hate you?”

“No!”

“Then why?”

“I don’t know!” Danny shouts, finding some volume now. “Okay? I don’t fucking know. I just didn’t want to mess everything up, in case things didn't work out, in case I outed myself to you and it got weird and I had to quit and it was all for nothing, you know?”

Steve doesn’t bother to reply. There’s a sudden, hot fury in his stomach and he knows Danny doesn’t deserve it.

“I’m sorry if you felt hurt or, or you felt like I didn’t trust you. I do. I trust you with my life, man.” Danny is quiet now, sincere. “I just wasn’t ready for you to know. And I’m not apologising for that, Steve, okay? You don’t get to tell me what to do about that. Not that.”

When Danny gets out of the truck, Steve waits until he’s well out of earshot before punching at the steering wheel.

“Fuck."

*

They spend a lot of time apart, over the next few days. Danny doesn’t come to dinner like he usually would, and Steve doesn’t stop in to see Grace even when he knows Danny has her overnight. They drive together less, and skip lunch runs, and mostly work their newest case with someone else lodged between them. It sucks.

It really, really sucks.

“Men are so stupid,” Kono says when Steve tells her, the two of them too many beers down and probably too close to the water.

“Thanks. That’s really helpful.”

“Seriously, though, just talk!”

“We tried that.”

Kono rumbles her lips together. It mostly sounds like she's laughing at him. “Sure you did.”

“I don’t even know what to say to him! He’s convinced I’m going to hate him and force him out of Five-0.”

“So you’re not talking? Right, that'll really prove him wrong.”

Steve growls and gets to his feet, kicking dumbly at the sand as if it will help. “What do you want from me, Kono?”

“Me? Nothing. What do you want?”

“What?”

Kono looks up at him, sobering. She’s always had this way of seeing right through you, even at such a young age. “Why is this so hard, Steve? If you’re okay with it, if you’re happy for him, then can’t you just forgive him for being scared to tell you?”

“I...”

She stands, dusting herself off. “You’re not some victim here, Boss. It’s Danny's life we're talking about. Danny who has to take risks. You’ve just got to decide if you want to be there for him or not.”

*

Steve let’s it all sit a few more days before finally messaging Danny. It feels juvenile - he's usually upfront, a face to face kind of guy – but he doesn’t want to back Danny into a corner. This way the ball is in his court, and he can decide not to play along if he doesn’t want to.

_ Beers at mine? 8? _

Danny only takes five minutes to answer.

_ Sure. _

They’ve fought a lot, since they met. It’s their thing, Steve supposes. A sort of ying and yang. It’s what attracted Steve to the idea of Danny as his partner in the first place. The opposing. Where Steve saw oceans, Danny saw rain. Where Steve saw clouds, Danny saw sky.

They worked well together.

They fit.

Steve didn’t want to lose that.

“I was really selfish, I’m sorry,” Steve says when they’re settled on the lanai. “I got so caught up in the fact you didn’t tell me that I didn’t think about what you were going through.”

“Thanks, Steve,” Danny says after a beat. “I’m sorry too. You know, for making you think I thought badly of you, or was scared of you. I didn't want that. I never wanted that.”

“I know.”

They sip at their beers for a moment, listening to the waves crash in the distance. It’s a warm night, Danny's wearing a t-shirt for a change, and it’s nice, the two of them just like this. Steve wishes they could do it forever.

“I think it would have been different if it was a woman,” Steve says, not thinking before letting the words tumble out.

“Huh?”

“If you were dating a woman and didn’t tell me. I don’t think it would have bothered me so much.”

“Steve,” Danny bites out. “What the hell?”

“No, no, I mean, shit, sorry,” Steve abandons his beer on the table between them, turning his body toward Danny. “I mean, because I’m not a woman so I can't compete with that, you know. But Kai. He’s a handsome guy, a cop, he’s your friend. More than a friend. And I don’t know where that leaves me. I don’t know how that changes our relationship, you know?”

“Our relationship?”

“Yeah. Like, the two of us having dinner, or falling asleep on the couch, or sharing clothes, you know, is that allowed? Do I still get to do that? Or is that just for Kai now?"

“Steve,” Danny says, not much louder than a breath. He looks stunned, his mouth moving and no words coming out. “Are you – are you telling me you’re jealous?”

Steve blinks at Danny, suddenly realising what he’s doing. Of course he's jealous. He hasn't had to share Danny with any one, not seriously, not like this. He’s not coping. “Fuck, sorry, I’m making it about me again,” Steve groans, sitting up and forward in his chair.

“Steve - "

“I’m happy for you, Danny. Honestly. I hope it all works out.”

*

In spite of Steve's pathetic confessions, things seem to ease up with Danny. They partner up more, talk more, and even share a meal just the two of them. Steve's feeling a little better about all the mess in his head and churning in his gut. All his doubts and fears and jealousies – Danny’s his best friend. He's not going to lose him.

They just avoid talking about it.

It’s fine.

“Okay,” Danny is saying to Kamekona, flipping his notebook like he’s in some eighties cop show. “I’m gonna repeat this to you so listen closely, Yeah? You got me?”

“Got you, brah,” Kamekona agrees, standing at attention. Steve smothers laughter in a hand.

“You’re telling us that someone – maybe man, maybe woman – wearing a ski mask and a clown wig, held you at knifepoint and demanded all your recipes. Before,” Danny goes on, shaking a finger, “Before reciting the Hawaiin national anthem and calling you a, a,”

“Traitor to the land. Uh-huh. I think that’s all.”

“I mean,” Danny says throwing Steve a look and flipping his book shut. “I’ve got nothing.”

Steve, still trying not to laugh, unfolds his arms to address his friend. “Kamekona, buddy, have you given any more thought to CCTV? I mean, there seems to be a lot of alleged crimes happening around here.”

“Alleged?” Kamekona repeats unhappily. “Those are real crimes, McGarrett.”

“I know, I know, it’s just... we haven’t been able to solve any of them. We need more to go on.”

“You got lots of mask wearing clowns in your perp book, bra?”

Danny loses it now, turning and moving away so Kame can't see him. It’s a close call for Steve too, but he manages to give the big guy a reassuring pat on the back.

“Leave it with us, Okay? And if you think of anything else just let us know, yeah?”

When they get back to the Camaro, Danny just all out giggles. It’s both the stupidest and best thing he’s heard in a long time. Steve can’t help but stare.

“You’re the worst,” he tells Danny, starting the car.

“You’re the one giving him false hope!”

“You never know, Danny, we might find this guy.”

Danny laughs again. It makes Steve smile. “Right. Let me go get my big book full of recipe stealing clown thieves. It’s probably in the same drawer as my grandma graffiti artist . Or, or, my toddlers in tiaras weed growers. Or, or"

“Oh my god, shut up,” Steve groans, but he’s smiling and it feels good.

*

It's more than two weeks later when Steve sees Kai again. He’s wandering aimlessly through the supermarket and frowning at the cereal boxes when they just. Walk into each other. Steve hasn’t had that much bad luck since the time he disappeared on a one night stand and saw her in a Starbucks line a few hours later.

“Uh, hi. Kai.”

“Commander McGarrett, good to see you,” he says, shaking Steve's hand. In the harsh glare of these lights, Steve sees just how tall he is. Taller than Steve at least, which he knows shouldn’t bother him but. Apparently this is Steve’s life now.

“Just Steve, please.”

“Steve,” Kai repeats, smiling awkwardly. “What brings you here?”

“Just getting some dinner. A few things. You?”

“Same, same.” Kai glances at his basket. “Actually, it’s funny that I ran into you. Can you tell me – does Danny like artichoke, do you know? I have a whole thing planned and if he isn’t into it, there's no point-"

“Yeah,” Steve cuts in, not wanting to hear all about romantic dinner plans. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure he likes it.”

“Great. Thank you, that’s a big help.”

They stand in a lost silence for a moment before Steve makes the decision to take a step sideways, moving on. “Anyway, I should get a move on. Early start.”

“Yeah, me too,” Kai agrees, waving a few fingers at Steve and heading backwards. “Have a good night.”

“You too.”

Steve only gets a few steps away before Kai is calling out to him again, “Commander, sorry, Steve. Can I just...”

“Something wrong?”

“It’s just... Danny talks about you all the time,” Kai says and Steve feels strangely guilty. Of what? “You, and the team. And I get this is new for everyone but I’d really like it if I could get to know you all better.”

“Uh, of course, I mean, we’d like that too.”

“Really?” Kai’s smile is big and open. “So maybe you can swing the idea by Danny? All of us going for drinks or something?”

“Sure.” Steve plasters a smile on his face. This might as well happen. “I’ll do that.”

*

  
  


Steve's seen Chin get drunk a total of two times. Just after they put the team together, the pair of them toasting to his dad – and just after his aunty died (though he imagines Chin got drunk plenty of times after that).

Chin’s seen Steve drunk more times then he cares to remember.

This time is no exception.

“I just can’t stop thinking about it,” he’s saying into his mostly empty beer bottle. “Which is weird, right? I mean, that’s probably weird.”

“It's not weird,” Chin says gently, giving his leg a little kick under the table. “You learnt something new about your partner. Your friend. It takes some time to adjust.”

“Right.”

They pause. “But...”

“But? Oh, man, there’s a But.

“You love Kono, right? And you weren’t intimidated by Adam.” Steve decides not to say anything. They both know the answer to that. “And you love me, yeah?”

“You know I do.”

“And you’ve never questioned things with Malia. Even though you knew our history.”

“What are you trying to say, Chin?” Steve grinds out, suddenly feeling so exposed and not knowing what to do with it. “That I’m being unfair? Prejudice?”

“No. I think you’re being perfectly reasonable for someone who’s got feelings for Danny.”

“Don’t ... ” he starts to say, practically leaping out of his chair to make space. There’s a lump in his throat he can’t breathe around - so many truths and words he’s pushed down for too long.

“Steve. I’m not trying to tell you how you feel. Or what to do about it.”

“There’s nothing - I can’t talk about this.”

“Why? Sure, you  _ couldn’t _ . To your dad, or to Joe, or to the Navy. But why can’t you talk to me now ? Or Danny? You know we will all love you just the same.”

Steve pushes the heels of his hands so hard into his eyes he sees stars. He can’t do this. This wasn’t supposed to happen. “It’s not about that,” he says, and it’s only half a lie.

“Okay.”

“I just - I’ve never really been with a man, you know? Not seriously. I figured thinking about it and doing it are two different things, so I stuck with women. It was just easier that way.”

“Sure.”

“I mean, I like women.” Steve feels the need to confirm. That’s not a lie. He’s always felt good with women. “I wasn’t pretending.”

“I know.”

“And I never really met men I felt that way about. None that could feel the same way, at least.”

“Right.” Chin rests forward on the table, looking over at Steve with those warm eyes. Steve sometimes forgets how much of a man he is. How good a friend. “And now all this with Danny?”

“Now all this with Danny,” Steve repeats, and slumps back into his chair. Chin claps a hand on his shoulder and leaves it there.

“You’re not a bad person, Steve. You’re human, you have feelings, and that’s gonna take time to work out.”

Steve covers Chin’s hand with his own, to thank him.

“You’ll get there.”

*

Steve decides to have a Poker Night at his place to make up for all their hard work and weird feelings. Steve knows Chin hasn’t spoken a word to Kono, because she’s no more forgiving and keeps making jibes about having a grumpy boss. So he invites the team, and Kame and Joe, as well as Duke and a few other people at HPD.

Danny doesn’t bring Kai.

After being honest with Chin the other day (and honest with himself), Steve’s felt a little more centred. In the past, when he’s noticed another man and thought about them differently, it had been easy to block it out. But having Danny to himself every day, and knowing Danny is attracted to men, and liking Danny the way he does - it was too loud to ignore this time.

“So, did Kai tell you we ran into each other the other day?” Steve asks Danny when they’re alone in the kitchen.

“At the store?” Danny says, looking into the fridge, probably for something to drink. “Yeah.”

“He said he’d like to get the team together, meet everyone properly.” Steve looks at Danny to see if his expression changes, but he gives nothing away. “How would you feel about that?”

Danny pulls a beer out, shrugging as he pops the top off with the bottle opener that sticks to the fridge. “I guess that’d be alright. Why? Does it bother you?”

“Not at all.”

“Okay. I’ll let him know.”

Danny moves to go back out but Steve calls his name, keeping him close. His head is full of a million thoughts and it feels strange not to tell Danny about them. From the moment they met it’s all they’ve ever done. Talk, bicker, argue, resolve. On and on and on.

“When did you know that you were...” Steve struggles with a word. “Into guys?”

Danny takes a big, visible breath. “Steve. I don’t want to do this with you.”

“Why not? You’re my best friend, I can’t ask questions about you?”

“That’s not the issue, here, okay? It’s not about telling you things - you’ve always known everything about me, I’ve always told you the truth about everything. Now - now there’s this wall between us because I didn’t tell you this one thing, when I thought it would be worse if I did.”

Steve’s not sure how to respond to that, so he stays quiet, welcoming more.

“I've always known,” Danny goes on, and he almost shouts it. Like the fact has made him angry. “My parents know, my sisters. Rachel knew too, right from the start. It’s never really been a secret.”

“Except from me,” Steve points out, not meaning to let it sound so bitter. 

“Steve - ”

“It’s fine. Like you said, no one else can make that decision for you.”

“I just didn’t want you to see me differently. You and Grace were the only good things in my life for a really long time and I got scared that if I told you it would change. It was stupid, and it went against everything I believed - but I didn’t even know how to start that conversation. Every time I thought about it, and thought about losing you … I couldn’t do it, Steve.”

Steve makes an aborted movement with his hand - wanting to reach out, but also wanting so much more. Too much. “Danny. Man.”

“And it didn’t make a goddamn difference, did it? Because you found out anyway and now here we are.”

“It doesn’t -”

Danny just shakes his head, a hand in his pocket as he goes back to join their friends.

*

Steve can count the men he’s been with on one hand. The fact that he barely exchanged words with those men, and there had been a complete lack of intimacy, makes it feel like a bit of a farce. But it still is what it is. It still felt right on some level.

He’s not sure why he thought he could go through life ignoring it. He’s faced truths about his parents, and his friends, and his job. He’s faced truths about his country that would make any man lose his lunch.

He’s just never been good at facing himself.

“It’s great to meet you all, properly,” Kai says to Steve when they finally get together for drinks. Steve had come to the bar to get another round, and for some reason Kai had decided to follow him.

“You too, man,” Steve says, plastering on a smile. He’s a great guy - and pretending anything less won’t help any one. “How's things at HPD? Duke’s managing okay?”

“Isn’t he always?” Kai laughs. “I think I’ll be way into retirement before he decides to give it up.”

“I can’t argue there.”

“Danny says things have been pretty quiet for Five-0 this week.”

“Yeah. Eerie. It’s like the calm before the storm.”

“Oh, don’t say that!” Kai elbows him. “You’ll curse yourself. Though by what Danny says, there’s not much they can throw at you that you can’t handle.”

Steve flushes. “I find it hard to believe that Danny doesn’t just complain about me 24/7.”

Kai gives him a faux-innocent face, saying, “Complain? Danny?” and making Steve laugh. They get the drinks in together, and just chat about work, and when they join the table Danny smiles at them and it feels nice.

Steve’s sure he can do this.

He’s sure this will work out.

He’s sure, he’s so sure, until Danny pulls him aside at the end of the night and says, “Thanks, babe. This was great, so … thanks.”

Danny’s touching him, and smiling, and so, so close, and Steve wasn’t going to live the rest of his life wondering  _ what if.  _ Danny had said it himself - no matter what they did, things never worked out the way they planned. So Steve refused to do nothing.

“Danny, I just want you to know,” he says, scratching at his shoulder and biting at his lip. “I’m really glad you’re happy, and I won’t get in the way … but I care about you. A lot. You were right. I’m jealous of Kai. I’m jealous that he gets to have you and I don’t.”

There’s a quiet dense moment that feels like it’s crushing Steve into the floor. He feels more naked than he ever has been - more ripped open and transparent.

“Fuck you,” Danny finally spits at him, his fists curled like he’s holding himself back from doing anything else. “Fuck you, Steve.”

*

If things were bad before, they’ve reached a whole new level of awful. Danny won’t even look in Steve’s direction - passing all his reports and messages and communication through Chin, or Kono, or even, on one memorable occasion, the cleaner who had just come in to empty the garbage.

Steve doesn’t bother pulling him up on it.

It’s not like he doesn’t deserve it.

Chin rides shotgun in Steve’s truck, and Kono’s stuck with a grumpy Danny, and they get by. Despite all the bitterness and bad blood - they make do. Which is testament to how well they work together, really.

“Knock, knock, you forgot the lock,” says a very familiar voice, Steve’s sister Mary sing-songing as she pushes her way into his office. Steve sighs, but can’t help the smile - getting up to greet her with a hug.

“What dumb schemes bring you to Hawaii this time?” he teases, pretending it hurts when she punches him.

“Can’t a girl just want to see her brother?”

“Some, sure.” Steve makes a face. “You? No.”

“Well, unfortunately, there aren’t any plans. I’m just really, really bored.”

“I have hours of paperwork to get through so I can’t help right now.”

“Yeah, what’s with this place? It’s like a ghost town out there.”

Steve shrugs, trying to bury his expression in his papers. “Quiet day.”

“Oh, really?” she says in one of her all-knowing voices, sitting on Steve’s desk and playing at his pens. “Because the last time you had a quiet day Chin was pissed at Kono because of her boyfriend, Kono was pissed at Chin about some family thing, and Danny was pissed at you for … I don’t know, whatever dumb thing you’d done to risk your life.”

“So?”

“So. What’s the drama this time? Love, work, money? One of your stupid little game nights went a little too far?”

“Seriously, Mary? I wasn’t joking about needing to get this done. Can you go and annoy someone else?”

Mary narrows her eyes at him. “So it’s about Danny. You’re always extra touchy when it’s about Danny.”

“Mary.” He’s sure the way he growls just confirms her suspicions, but he doesn’t care. He’s had enough trouble dealing with it himself, he’s definitely not dealing with his sister knowing.

“Fine. I’ll go find someone else to entertain me.”

“You do that.”

Mary goes and opens his office door, looking out. “But not here. I’ve seen more activity at a morgue than I’m seeing here.”

Steve throws a pen at her and she quickly ducks out.

*

  
  


Before their mum died, Steve and Mary had a proper childhood - the kind you see on TV. They were never short of toys, or games, or company; and their parents didn’t just love them, they showed them that love. They told them time and again: I love you. 

After their mum died, their dad mostly shut down. At least as a father, anyway. All the lines of communication from his head to his heart were closed. All that was left was the revenge he needed to move on.Steve can forgive him, mostly. As an adult he gets it.

Mary was a lot younger than him, though, so it was harder for her. She spent a lot of time punishing her dad, and Steve, and whoever else got in her way.

“You're not actually watching this,” Mary says when she comes to join Steve on the couch. She passes him a beer.

“It’s interesting.”

She grabs the remote and looks at the program info. “Oh, yeah, sea snakes really blow my hair back too.”

“It’s David Attenborough!”

“And I’m Mary Ann McGarrett, so what?”

The doorbell rings, which doesn’t stop Mary from arguing about why they should watch some dumb movie on the comedy channel instead - so Steve goes to answer it mostly to get away from her.

It’s Danny.

“You’re a real son-of-a-bitch, you know that?” he yells, pushing through before Steve can warn him that Mary is right there. “You just couldn’t keep your stupid mouth - ”

Steve closes the door and turns to see Mary on her feet, Danny going pale and David Attenborough talking about rattlesnakes like they’re the second coming of Christ. Steve’s had weirder days.

“I knew it was a Danny thing,” Mary gloats, and grabs Steve’s keys off the table, disappearing outside.

“What was that supposed to mean?”

Steve shrugs. “She wanted to know why things were weird at Five-0 and I wouldn’t tell her.”

Danny huffs, pulling at his tie and grabbing Steve’s beer from the table to take a long pull. Steve just watches him with folded arms - he came in raging, surely there was more where that came from.

“What’s going on, Danny?”

“What’s going on,” Danny repeats, now just throwing his tie on the floor. “What’s going on is that I just told Kai I can’t see him any more.”

“What?” Steve says, startled into motion. His whole body suddenly feels a little lighter. “Why?”

“Why?  _ Why _ \- because you told me that you want me you stupid ape, so now all I can think about is you. You and your stupid face and what that even means, you want me. You want to have me, the way Kai had me. Jesus, what does that even mean?”

“It’s simple, Danny.”

“No. No it’s not. Because Kai took me on dates. He introduced me to his friends. He held my hand, and put his hand on my knee, and kissed me, and fucked me - he fucked me a lot, Steve. Is that the way you like me?”

Steve feels Danny’s words like a fist around his spine, twisting and pulling until he breaks. It’s anger for knowing another man got to have that, it’s hope and fear and need that he might get it too. “Yes.”

“Fuck,” Danny says with a shuddery breath, downing more of the beer.

“I’ve been with men before, Danny, I’m not just deciding this now.”

“Oh, oh really,” he sounds a little hysterical. “So I date a man and you’re terribly hurt but you’ve been with men and I’m just supposed to accept it? Right. Terrific.”

“I’ve  _ been _ with men. Not dated.”

Danny’s face darkens. “Right. What happens in the Middle East stays in the Middle East, yeah?”

Steve doesn’t bother to answer. He just walks slowly over to Danny, relieved when he doesn’t pull back. He takes the beer and has a sip, watching Danny watch him.

“Fuck,” Danny says again, and then he’s kissing Steve, chasing the taste with his tongue. 

It’s easier than Steve thought it would be - looping an arm around Danny’s back and pulling him in. Danny arches back a little, and grabs at Steve’s shirt front, and it’s wet and a little frenzied, but it works.

“You want this too?” Steve asks when they break apart, but Danny doesn’t say anything. 

He just starts up the stairs to Steve’s room, and let’s Steve follow him.

*

Steve wakes up to an empty bed, and the sound of the TV playing downstairs. He’s still naked, and covered in stubble burn, and he needs to brush his teeth desperately. There’s no messages on his phone.

It’s no surprise Danny’s gone. He’d tried to leave the night before - making some flimsy excuse about getting Gracie off to school this morning. Steve hadn’t let him. Instead they’d gone for round two, and stopped talking.

“What time did you get home?” Steve asks Mary when he finds her on the sofa watching GMA. He knows she only does it to mock them.

“Too late to be up already,” she groans, shaking her coffee mug at him. He takes it and goes to make a fresh pot.

Steve’s hand shakes a little as he turns on the faucet - a shiver goes down his spine. He can’t help but think about the night before, how Danny had been so gentle with him, had taken such good care of him. It was like he knew, and understood, that Steve had done nothing like that before.

And definitely not with someone he cared so much about.

“Why did Danny go?” Mary asks from the doorway, almost making Steve spill all the coffee.

“Jesus, Mary!”

She just shrugs at him. “Was it because of me? You think you need to hide it?”

“We weren’t hiding anything - what?” Steve mutters defensively, shaking for a very different reason now and trying again with the coffee. Telling Chin had been one thing, but his sister? She was all that was left of their family. “He had to get Grace to school.”

“Okay. So…” she sits down at the table. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Come on, Steve. Blind, and deaf, and, and dead people can see what’s going on there.”

Steve rolls his eyes at her, sitting at the table too. “There’s nothing going on, we just … we spent the night together, alright?”

“Well I got that much.”

“And that’s all that’s happened, alright? Can you drop it?”

When he finally looks at her he sees her mouth is hanging open, her eyes blown wide. “You mean last night was .... the first time you …”

“Yes!” he all but shouts, feeling his face go hot from the scrutiny.

“Wow.”

Before Steve can ask what she means by that - and it’s probably better than he doesn’t - his phone rings, crawling across the benchtop as it vibrates.

“Hey, Steve,” Chin says when he answers. “You wanna get down to Kamekona’s? We got a situation.”

*

It turns out Kame hadn’t been exaggerating about the perp. A short, balding white guy is tied to the shrimp truck, a mask and a clown wig at his feet. Chin and Kono are giggling with each other while the guy hollers and hisses about a lawsuit.

“What is this?” Steve asks, not looking Danny in the eye as he approaches. He’s obviously been asking Kamekona some questions, tucking his notebook into the back of his ridiculous pants. Steve’s surprised he can fit anything in there.

“I made a citizen's arrest,” Kame says proudly, folding his arms.

“Right. And what was the guy doing?”

“He was trying to get Martha to give him my recipes,” Kamekona says bitterly, throwing the perp a sidelong glare. “Didn’t know I was here. So I came up behind him and pow.”

Kamekona makes a motion with his elbow. Steve swears he sees Danny push down a smile.

“Okay. So…” Steve’s got nothing. They made him come down here for this? “Are we taking him in or what?”

“We tried that,” Danny says, sounding exasperated. “Guys like a rabid animal, none of us really want to get too close.”

“Well … who is he? What’s his deal? Have we found out why he’s targeting Kamekona?”

“We’ve got nothing. Kamekona doesn’t know him, and other than the fact he’s clearly a deranged psychopath trying to get rich quick or something - well. We’ve got nothing.”

Steve sighs, readjusting his holster and feeling the rage start to build. He woke up alone, got called away from his morning coffee and now he’s dealing with some perp that is not only totally useless but apparently totally nameless.

“Hey,” he shouts when he gets closer. “Krusty. You want to do us all a favour and shut the hell up?”

Apparently he doesn’t. “All of you will be hearing about this! Harassment! Intimidation! False arrest!”

“False arrest? You held a poor girl at gunpoint!”

“It’s licensed and registered! It’s a free country! I was just trying to get some lunch and now I’m tied up like some animal, chained and debauched and …”

Steve tries to get closer and Clown Man spits on him.

“Oh you gotta be…”

Steve ignores Danny calling out his name as he leaps forward and punches the guy out cold.

He’s not dealing with this shit today.

*

The governor benches Steve for a few days and makes Danny give him his paperwork. There hasn’t been much going on, anyway, so it’s not a great loss. It just pisses Steve off. Makes him restless, and itchy, and mean.

When he bites Kono’s head off about a report, Danny pulls Steve into his office and closes the blinds.

“Take a breath would you?” he yells, all but forcing Steve into his chair.

“Sorry,” Steve throws up his hands. “Sorry.”

“This is why I didn’t want to get into this with you,” Danny mutters, wiping at his face. He’s tieless today, blue shirt open at the collar - he looks a little tired, and drawn, but still good. Still effortlessly beautiful like he always does. Steve can’t stand it.

“What?”

“This. You and me. We spend one night together and you’ve already lost your goddamn mind.”

Steve splutters, indignant. “No I haven't!”

“Uh, punching a restrained perp? Talking back to the Governor? Yelling at Kono? What would you call it?”

“I’m angry!”

“About what?”

“About you! You left without saying goodbye. You never left a message. And you’ve barely said a word to me the last two days unless it’s about work.”

Danny looks lost for words, which is almost more surprising than anything else that’s happened this past week. Danny never struggles with what to say - especially when it’s about Steve and all his hopelessness. “I was just giving you space,” he eventually says, folding his arms.

“Space from what?”

“From .... me. From whatever you’re feeling about this. Space to think.”

“Seriously?” Steve sighs, scrubbing at his face with frustrated hands. “You really think I’m that screwed up?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“I know I was an asshole about Kai. And maybe … I donno, maybe if I hadn’t found out about you and him I wouldn’t have done anything. We’d still just be friends.”

Danny just stands where he is, not attempting to move but not saying anything either. Steve usually can’t get a word in edge ways, so he takes the opportunity while he can, and goes on. 

“But I didn’t tell you I wanted you because I was marking my territory, Danny. I wasn’t trying to win some competition.”

“I never - “

“When I found out about Kai, and got upset you hadn’t told me, it wasn’t because I thought I deserved to know. It was because it changed everything. It meant I might have a chance. It meant that maybe, after all this time, after all we’d been through … maybe you felt the same way I did.”

There’s a silent beat, a moment in which Steve jumps from thinking he’s said the right thing to thinking he’s said too much. 

Danny slumps in the chair across from him, burying his face in his hands with a groan. “Jesus. You’re insane.”

“What?”

“Insane, Steven,” he repeats, looking up with a flushed face and an expression Steve can’t decipher. “A month ago I thought you were going to say, actually Danny, no offence, but I’m not sure I can be your partner now that I found out about the whole sleeping with men thing. Sorry, nice knowing you.”

“Danny - ”

“And now,” he goes on, flailing a hand at Steve. “Now you’re sitting there, looking like that, and telling me you’ve had feelings for me for who knows how long and … Jesus I can’t.”

Danny gets out of his chair so fast Steve doesn’t realise he’s getting up too, calling Danny’s name as Danny heads for the door. Danny just puts a hand up to wave him off, to tell him,

“Don’t, it’s fine, I just …  _ Jorge’s _ tonight? 7?”

“Okay,” Steve agrees dumbly, standing struck in the middle of his office like a deer in headlights. “See you then.”

*

Steve’s been in love before. He came close with Cath, too, they almost had the real thing - but then Danny crashed into his life and changed everything. It’s not something Steve’s admitted to himself until now, really. It’s not something he’s been prepared to acknowledge.

Danny’s the first real relationship he’s had in years.

And this is only their first date.

“You got Grace this weekend?” Steve asks Danny as they’re finishing up their seafood platter, their toes kicking under the table.

Danny shakes his head. “Rachel’s parents are on the mainland, they’ve taken Grace with them to visit.”

“And you’re alright with that?”

“I’m not a total psycho,” he protests, kicking at Steve when Steve pulls a face at him. “They’re her grandparents, I’m not about to try and keep her away from them.”

“Even if you do hate them.”

“Even then,” Danny agrees, smirking around the mouth of his beer bottle. Steve watches him drink, watches the ebb of his throat. He’s always found the sight of Danny intoxicating, but now - now that he can look, he’s allowed to look. It seems to add to the thrill.

“So what you’re saying is you’re free all weekend,” Steve says, not taking his eyes off Danny. Danny puts his bottle down, but keeps a hand on it, thumb playing at the label.

“I don’t remember saying that. Did I say that?”

“Sounded like you said that.”

Danny flicks his eyes back up to Steve, bottom lip catching on his teeth. “I might have some free time.”

“Good. That’s good.”

When the waitress comes back to their table they order last drinks and ask for the check. Steve has a fleeting moment of worry - how does it work now that they’re more than friends? They used to have dinner together all the time, used to bicker pointlessly about who was always paying and who paid last time.

But is it different, now?

“Don’t bother wedging your wallet open with a crowbar,” Danny teases when the check comes, handing the waitress his card who grins teasingly at Steve. “I invited you, remember? It’s my shout.”

“Hey, I was about to - “

“Sure you were, babe, sure. “

“I can be a gentleman.”

“Oh, I bet. Like the time that woman at 5-0 asked for water and you told her the vending machine was on the first floor.”

“I was having a bad morning I wasn’t thinking!”

“Or the time - ”

“Alright, alright, you’ve made your point,” Steve says, waving a hand at him to shut him up. “Next time I’ll organise dinner and pick up the check.”

“Next time,” Danny repeats, and it doesn’t sound like a question.

“Yeah, that okay with you?”

“You think we can keep this going?” Danny asks quietly, not meeting Steve’s gaze. “I mean, work, and dinner and whatever else this is?”

“Now who needs space to think?”

“No,” he says quickly, looking up. “I know what I want. I know how I feel. I just want to make sure we’re not just jumping into this without considering all the possibilities first, y’know, I mean. There’s the taskforce, and our partnership. There’s Grace - I don’t know what could happen with Grace from one day to the next, I can’t promise - ” 

“You don’t have to promise. We didn’t just meet yesterday, Danny, I know all this. And I know that being together is going to change things but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re my best friend, and the best thing that’s happened to me in a really long time.”

Danny’s eyes not only meet Steve’s, but they also seem to burn through him, saying all the things Steve had been waiting to hear.

“You wanna get out of here?” Steve finally asks, and Danny just nods frantically as he down the rest of his beer.

“Yeah, yes. Let’s go.”

*

Danny wears a lot on his sleeve. Not just his heart - his devotion to his daughter, and to his team - but a lot of his other cogs and wheels, the things that make him tick. His short fuse and his wry teasing. His supportive words and his nurturing hand.

The other thing he flaunts, _oozes_ , is sex.

Steve’s not sure if he means it. He’s seen Danny try to flirt in the past and it’s never been all that great. But when he’s not trying - when he’s just slouched in a chair, or he’s loosened his tie, or he’s run a hand through his hair to slick it back. When he swings an arm around the back of a chair, or he laughs with his head back, or he sips at a scotch glass and licks the taste from his lips.

He’s sex appeal, through and through.

Steve’s always noticed.

“You look so good like this,” Steve tells Danny as he slowly pushes the head of his cock into him, Danny groaning with his back arched as Steve slowly bottoms out.

Danny’s beneath him, his legs around Steve and heels digging into his lower back so hard the sting just urges him on.

“Move, Steve,” Danny grunts, skin tinged pink all the way down his neck, dull nails scratching at Steve’s shoulders.

“It’s alright, I’ve got you,” Steve tells him softly, pulling out so slow it’s torture for both of them, before sinking back in. Steve hisses as Danny swears at the ceiling - he’s hot and slick and Steve had spent a lot of time getting him ready, but he doesn’t want it to be over too fast.

“Please,” Danny begs, which isn’t helping.

“So beautiful,” Steve says, ducking his head to kiss and bite at Danny’s throat, feeling the scratch of his stubble against his lips. “Wish we could stay like this forever. Wanna keep you.”

“You got me,” Danny tells him, lifting his hips to meet Steve’s thrusts. “So fuck me already, please, need you.”

Steve slowly picks up the pace, arms feeling the burn as he holds himself above Danny, as he holds Danny where he wants him to be and angles him just right to push in and push hard making Danny make the best noises Steve’s ever heard.

“Fuck, yes,” Danny purrs, finding Steve’s mouth for quick little kisses. “Yeah, that’s so good babe, so, so good, I knew you’d be so fucking good at this. Knew this would feel so good.”

“Yeah?” Steve says, starting to lose his rhythm, lost in his lust and want and need, lost in Danny.

“Of course, it’s you. It’s us. We’re always so good together.”

“Yeah, Danny,” Steve agrees and this time the kiss lingers a little longer, open mouthed and wet, Steve’s tongue tasting sweat on Danny’s skin. “Fuck, yes, always. You and me.”

“So good,” Danny says again, groaning as he gets a hand around his leaking cock and starts stroking himself. Steve tries to meet his movements the best he can, slamming into him over and over, feeling the bed and the wall rock around them, the sheets burning at their skin.

Steve can hardly hold himself together to finish, the last few thrusts doing him in as his orgasm hits him, breaking him open from inside out. He feels Danny come on him as he collapses, listens to Danny call out his name so desperately, so beautifully.

“Danny, Danny,” he whispers as he comes down, curling into Danny’s side, burying his face in Danny’s hairy chest, his tummy, his waist, arms thrown over him.

“Steve,” Danny says back, curling fingers in Steve’s hair and holding him in place.

Steve’s not going anywhere.

*

_epilogue_

The sky is clear that night.

Chin and Kono are here, Kame and Mary, Max and Joe. Danny’s got Grace for the weekend so she’s joined them too - sprawled out on a lounge chair with colouring books and markers and other glittery stuff that Steve does his best to steer clear of.

Danny mans the grill while Steve makes the salad and the whole house is filled with chatter and laughter - the sound rolling out to the sea.

“Hey, boss,” Kono says with a smile, joining Steve in the kitchen. “You need any help?”

“I don’t think so,” he says, smiling back. “I’m almost done.”

“Right, well, I just wanted to say I’m sorry for giving you such a hard time.”

Steve twists his brow. “About what?”

“About Danny. If I’d known you were just … y’know. Upset because you were in love with him,”

“Alright, alright,” he cuts in, thrusting some salad bowls at her while she just grins that teasing grin at him. “Apology accepted. If you wanna help go take these outside would you?”

“Whatever you say Lover Man,” she coos, almost running into Danny as she heads out to the lanai and he heads in.

“What was that about?”

“Just Kono being … Kono.”

“Right.” Danny smirks. “Making fun of you for being soft and having all those feelings.”

“Don’t you start.”

“Hey, it’s okay to show your tender side. Grace has been telling me a lot about toxic masculinity and how men find it hard to express themselves because they think they need to be tough.”

“Shut up,” Steve insists, herding Danny up against the kitchen bench to kiss him. Danny wraps his arms around Steve’s neck, leaning back to welcome the wet, pressing kisses that move from his open mouth to his jaw, to his throat.

“We’re supposed to be hosting a dinner party, babe,” Danny reminds him with a gasp.

“I know,” Steve says disappointedly, but still pulls away. “All good out there?”

“All cooked,” Danny tells him, pushing Steve’s hair back and thumbing at his chin. “Ready in here, too?”

“Yep. Wanna help me take all this out?”

“Sure.”

Steve doesn’t move for a moment, watching Danny start to gather the rest of the food. He’s barefoot and wearing Steve’s t-shirt and it hits Steve somewhere low in his gut, this feeling of wholeness. After years at sea, and at war - years of loneliness and deprivation. After everything Steve's been through. He's found his way here. Where he's meant to be.

“Danny?”

Danny hums, bread in his mouth as he turns to look at Steve.

“I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> thefancyspin.tumblr.com


End file.
